A Brief (and Completely Wrong) History of DJing - a sci-fi tale

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A Brief (and Completely Wrong) History of DJing

a sci-fi story by DJ Buddy Holly

As preserved by the Intergalactic Society of Sound Engineers, 4026 Edition

Long before the modern DJ stood proudly behind their glowing, all‑in‑one command console (like the legendary XDJ‑AZ, recovered from the ruins of 2026), there existed a primitive species known as Homo Disc Jockeyus.

These early DJs lived in a dark age known as The Pre‑USB Era.

The Age of Grand Master Flashdrive

According to ancient scrolls (and one very questionable hologram), the first DJ was a mythical figure named Grand Master Flashdrive, who descended from the sky holding a 128MB USB stick.

He proclaimed:

“Behold… my entire music collection.”

The villagers fainted.

Discovery of the Ancient Relics

Centuries later, archaeologists unearthed bizarre circular artifacts. Confused crowds gathered around them.

“What are those crazy‑looking things?” \they pointed at the turntables like alien fossils\

DJ Buddy Holly, wearing a lab coat for dramatic effect, explained:

“These are called turntables. People used to DJ with them. They spun in circles. It was a whole thing.”

The crowd gasped.

The Milkcrate Revelation

Then Buddy delivered the final blow:

“And they carried their music in… MILKCRATES.”

The entire crowd burst into uncontrollable laughter.

One person fell over. Another asked if “milkcrate” was an ancient word for “cloud storage.” A third whispered, “Did they… lift those with their hands?”

The Great Booth Consolidation

Eventually, as foretold in the Prophecy of Flashdrive, all DJ technology fused into a single glowing monolith:

  • mixer

  • decks

  • FX

  • touchscreen

  • Wi‑Fi

  • Bluetooth

  • cloud library

  • everything

All in one unit.

Historians call this era The Standalone Renaissance.

The Lost Civilization

Some legends claim there was once a time when DJs:

  • gathered in vinyl shops

  • traded mixtapes

  • carried crates

  • played in clubs built around turntables

But modern scholars dismiss these tales as folklore, right alongside unicorns, Atlantis, and “manual beatmatching.”

Conclusion

Thus, the official (and completely inaccurate) history stands:

DJing began with USB sticks, peaked with the XDJ‑AZ, and everything before that is just… mythology.

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